Yes you CAN succeed at on-line dating – If I can do it, anyone can!
Three plus years ago, my husband passed away. After a year and a half of grief and mourning, I decided I was too young to live the rest of my life alone. Now, I’m no spring chicken – I was 55 years old by then. I had been out of the dating scene for over 30 years. And I had no idea how to proceed.
At the time, I was working in Manhattan and taking the train every day to work. I had recently moved to a new (a/k/a REMOTE) area and knew no one but my landlord and his wife. I had no interest in dating anyone I worked with. I had a two hour each way commute, so I had become friendly with a few people on the train. But that wasn’t a great way to meet guys. I went out with one or two of them but frankly, that was pretty much a disaster.
My hairdresser said to me, “Girl, you have to try computer dating. Of all the brides I work on, over half met their prospective husbands on-line.” She told me this every time I saw her over the next three months. I was a tough sell.
Finally, I decided to check it out. The first place I started was Match.com. I think that is the place everyone goes first. I was terrified. It felt like a meat market. It seemed like all the guys my age were looking for women in their 30′s. Was I going to have to settle for someone 20 years older just to get a date? It was discouraging.
Fortunately, my daughter encouraged me. “Mom, you can do this.” So E-Harmony was my next stop. She helped me with my profile, took several pictures of me that looked pretty good and I was on my way.
First there were the pictures to review. Do you have any idea how many guys use their cell phone to take a picture of themselves? Right off the bat, they were eliminated. If you can’t come up with a decent picture, get one of your buddies to take one. Give me a break!
Then, as soon as my girlfriends found out what I was up to, they started in with advice. I was amazed how many of them had tried it. First, my friend Nancy told me to figure out who these guys were. “Guys are stupid,” she said. “They will give you their real phone number or an e-mail with their real name. Just reverse look them up and make sure there’s no funny business.” So I did.
And it was a good thing, too. Two guys I seriously thought about meeting were both married! When I confronted one with that fact, he said, “Wow, how’d you figure that out? You must be really smart!” Needless to say, I didn’t meet either of those two for coffee and a look-see.
The next advice I got was also good. “Once you figure out who they are, drive by their house and make sure there aren’t any junk cars in the driveway.” Did I do that? You bet! Did I feel like a stalker? Yep, definitely. My daughter went with me (of course) – she was in it up to the neck by then!
I finally narrowed it down to someone who sounded nice, had a reasonable looking picture (even if he was holding a big fish), and had a decent looking house without any junk cars. Now it was time to meet.
Again, the advice was forthcoming. “Never, ever meet anyone at night or in a bar. Pick a public place during the day. And don’t park where he can see your car and follow you home.”
So the obvious choice for meeting was Sunday morning at the farmer’s market and possibly breakfast across the street at the Bistro. John showed up with flowers and a big, warm smile. Not the crappy grocery store flowers you buy at a spur of the moment. These were nice flowers from the florist – the kind with the little water cups on the bottom so the flowers wouldn’t die in the car. Good start.
We wandered across the street and got a table for two. The restaurant was packed. We had a great meal and talked and talked. We talked for over an hour. Then, he asked if I wanted to take a walk. As soon as we crossed the street, a family with a small boy and a big dog came up to us. The boy was yelling, “Coach John, Coach John!” John chatted with the family and patted the dog. He was obviously known in town and well liked. He couldn’t fake that. I was impressed.
We finished the date with a lovely walk along the river and parted with a promise to see one another again.
Now, it’s almost two years later. John and I have been living together for just over a year. It’s been a challenge – he has two sons, I have two daughters. He has a dog and two cats and I have a dog and two cats. But it’s a big enough house and plenty of love to go around.
So if you’re out there thinking about the possibility of finding someone on line, my advice to you is to just go for it. Take a decent picture. Get someone to help you with your profile. Be careful about who you meet – find a way to check them out even if you have to hire a service. But do it. Any chance at love is always worth it!
